9 Ways To Prevent Siblings From Fighting All The Time

Oh, the things that siblings do to frustrate each another. They argue over things that don't seem worth thinking about, let alone fighting over. A study suggests that more than six fights between toddlers and preschool-aged siblings happen every hour.

Quarrels will inevitably come up one way or the other as they compete for limited attention and resources. Who wouldn't get irritated in that situation now and then? 

But, we can control how often our children quarrel by following these strategies.

Ways To Prevent Siblings From Fighting All The Time

1. Set Clear Family Rules 

Set ground rules for how siblings should treat one another. Make it a rule in your family, for example, that everyone treats one another with respect no matter how stressful things get. Respect means no name-calling or hitting. 

You can tell your children: “You can argue in our house, but you can't call each other names or hit each other.” Then inform them of the consequences if they do not follow the rules.

2. Set Up Routines

When you have a family routine, handling disagreements about trivial matters is much easier. Everyone knows who gets to pick a movie and who does what chores. When and who is first in line for the PlayStation, trampoline, bathroom, etc. An example of a routine might be like this:

Bathroom: George uses the bathroom first before Laureen.

Chores: Laureen and George take turns carrying out tasks each week; one week, they take care of the trash, and the next, they dry the dishes.

Laureen selects the television show between 6.30 and 7.30 p.m. From 7:30 p.m. till midnight, George makes his selection. Laureen chooses games to play on Sundays, whereas George chooses on Saturdays.

3. Bodies 1 Tee-Shirt

Some families refer to it as the “punishment shirt,” while others refer to it as the “I Love You Shirt.” The plan is to collectively make the kids wear a men's extra-large T-shirt until they stop fighting. 

Even older children can be forced to perform chores while jamming into a tee shirt together. While wearing the shirt, discuss how collaboration makes everything better (trust me, if they want to do anything while wearing one shirt, they have to work together.)

4. Don't Compare Your Kids

We can't help but notice how unique our children are, and we frequently try to celebrate their differences. When we highlight one of our children's strengths, our other children may interpret our comparisons as criticisms or self-fulfilling prophecies.

Even when we're trying to compliment our children, we compare them: “Oh, you're kicking the soccer ball almost as far as your brother!” You can simply say, “Look how far you kicked the soccer ball!” 

Similarly, don't try to motivate your child by saying things like, “When your brother was 5, he dressed himself daily. Why are you unable to do so?” However, remarks like these can lead to self-consciousness in children and foster hatred between siblings.

5. Be A Mediator But Not A Referee

Psychologists used to encourage parents to avoid interfering in sibling fights so that their kids might develop independent problem-solving skills. However, research has shown that this approach frequently backfires. Siblings rarely resolve conflicts constructively when left to their own devices, and often the older or more dominant child “wins” using force or intimidation.

Also, we shouldn't referee sibling fights because you won't always know who's “right,” and even if you do, taking one child's side over the other creates resentment in the losing child, degrading their sibling relationship and fuels further conflict. 

Research has found that acting as a mediator is most effective with children aged three and up. Maintain your cool and employ this strategy.

You can establish ground rules to prevent further conflict while resolving the issue. Then request that each of your children describe what occurred and identify the points of contention and common ground. 

Encourage empathy by encouraging them to talk about their emotions and having each child repeat what the other said: Assist them in brainstorming solutions to the problem.

Recognizing your children's emotions is an important aspect of mediation. When we yell at our children to stop arguing, we tell them that the feelings they're experiencing—the ones that drive their yells and cries—aren't valid. 

Mediation, on the other hand, validates everyone's feelings. This makes each child feel heard and respected, and it teaches each child to respect the feelings of others. 

6. Teach Them How To Compromise

The desire to be heard is universal. Children don't need to be taught to go for their dreams. However, listening is a skill that must be honed. Making a compromise is an excellent way to accomplish this. Allow your children to take turns telling each other what they want.

Encourage them to consider how they might fulfill both of their needs after that. Give them a hint to help them if they get stuck. This simple exercise teaches children the importance of listening and attempting to see things from another person's perspective. 

When given a choice, many children will choose to compromise to continue interacting.

7. Money Jar

Everyone has their jar for fighting, striking, talking back, etc., including mom. Money is transferred from each person's jar to their mother's jar each time they make a mistake. The money goes into that person's jar if they cause harm to someone else. 

Money is taken from mom's jar and put back into their jar for nice deeds they commit. If they have earned a particular amount of money at the end of the month, they can use it to get a treat.

This strategy's impact is remarkable to reduce the constant fighting, now that they can play nicely with one another.

8. Separate Them

Many parents prefer to separate their children, while some advice keeping them together to prevent fights. So many families find this method very effective. 

It is interesting how much siblings will miss each other if you separate them and ask them not to talk until they learn to treat each other the way they want to be treated. 

When you separate them for a day, they will cherish the time they spend together once again.

9. Reduce Fighting Hotspots

Perhaps it is wise to plan how to manage fights in difficult situations ahead of time. In certain circumstances, explaining that you will revoke a treatment or privilege may assist (or whatever your family rules say) if fighting breaks out. 

Nevertheless, it's also good to set up the situation so that kids have as little opportunity to fight as possible.

Check out the following tips to prevent common fighting hotspots.

At the mall

1. For example, make a unique rule. ‘No arguments during grocery shopping means we'll go to the park once we get home.
2. Assign opposing sides of the shopping trolley to the youngsters. Alternatively, send them to different ends of the aisle to select groceries.
3. Split the job for each of your children. For example, one person may hold the list and read each item while the other grabs the products off the shelf.
4. If the store conflicts are particularly nasty, consider leaving one of the children with a friend or family member while you go shopping.

In the Car

1. Children should be seated on each side of any available backseat space. Alternately, place an adult or a youngster who has grown up between the two kids most prone to quarrel.

2. If your eldest child is old enough, put them in the front seat. Remember that putting a kid under the age of four in the front seat is prohibited. According to the law, there are restrictions on how young children may ride in a car.

Away from home

1. If you notice a conflict coming, divert the kids' attention. For instance, maybe a game like I spy can be played at the grocery store, on the beach, on a bus, or in a car.
2. Put a stroller or yourself in the space between the kids on the bus.

Conclusion

There is no clear-cut technique for dealing with sibling conflict and disputes. What matters is that you are self-aware in your parenting and that your approach is thoughtful and intentional rather than reactive. 

If you can do that when your children fight, you will be able to determine what, if anything, you need to do.